Day 5 - At the Grocery Part One

The beautiful thing about grocery stores is that they contain one stupid thing after another.  Doctors and nutritionists encourage us to read labels for pragmatic reasons, but I find myself reading them just to see what someone decided was a well thought-out sentence.  And then there are the signs around the grocery store itself.  If you’re really reading them, you know what I’m talking about.  Here are some things I noticed today at the grocery store:

The non-dairy section.  If you already have all the dairy in the dairy section, then isn’t the non-dairy section the rest of the store?

Natural and Organic.  This was funny to me at first because I’m pretty sure that in order for something to be organic, it HAS to be natural.  Then I thought that maybe this sign denoted both some organic items, and some natural items that are not organic.  But then I saw that the sign was hung over bottled water.

Gravity-proof glue.  This glue caught my eye  because it was blue and glittery.  It was labeled ‘space glue’ and claimed to be gravity proof.  It wasn’t floating above the shelf, so I asked the cashier what it meant.  She stared at the bottle and then replied, “I think it means that if you use it to stick something on, it doesn’t fall off.”  I see.  That’s actually a very good quality in glue.

Better Than Ears.  This was the name of a product in the pet food section.  I happen to be familiar with the pig ears dog snack and assume this is what they are referring to, but surely when naming this product they had to realize that there might be people who are not.  Terrified children everywhere will be picking this up in the store only to have nightmarish visions of their beloved family pets staring longingly at their ears.  And what of the adults?  Wouldn’t they wonder what kind of bizarre testing had to happen in order to place this item on the taste scale right above ears?  And for that matter, although I’ve never tasted ears, I’d be willing to bet that the claim is applicable to every food product in the store.

You’ll noticed I titled this article part one.  I go back to the grocery store next week, and I have no doubt there will be more stupid stuff to find.