Day 20 - HypnoWhat?

I read an interesting article in the news today. Not interesting as in informative, but interesting in the way an exotic animal is interesting, in which you stare at it trying to identify its strange parts. Apparently, there is a new birthing philosophy called HypnoBirthing. To start, they have changed the names of all of the painful aspects of birth. Labor is called birthing, contractions are called surges, and pain is called pressure. I am flummoxed by this country's obsession with changing the names of things to make them sound better. Shakespeare said “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” in the 1500s. Who are these people sitting around saying, “So true. But let's call it a floral firework instead anyway because that War of the Roses thing really ruined the name”? Labor hurts, even if you call it birthing. And in my hospital room, we called the whole thing birthing. Know why? Because it was already called that. And contractions, the most painful aspect of birthing, are painful no matter what you call them. In fact, if anyone had insisted that I refer to the pain wrenching my body as a surge, I would have been looking for something to hurl across the room. Not to mention that 'surge' is something I try to protect my computer from, not something I want to imagine my body doing. And calling the pain 'pressure' is really just being more specific. It's really painful pressure. According to the article, changing the names helps in retraining the mind so as to lead to a state of self-hypnosis. I've never been hypnotized, but I'm fairly certain that trying to remember new names for stuff I already know the name for is not the way to get me there.

Know what did take away the pain/pressure during my labor/birthing? An epidural. So, while reading this article, I assumed that these women were taking vocabulary lessons as a substitute for the happy shot. Not so. Apparently, they also have epidurals. So clearly I'm missing something here, and I think what I'm missing is the point. If you've never had a child, I can tell you that there is plenty of information that is more worthy of study and discussion than what you are going to call the various stages of pain during delivery. Like how to feed your child, for example. If you're about to go into labor and you don't know what latching is yet, go ahead and learn THAT vocabulary. That way, when your doctor says, “Is he latching?” you have an answer besides, “I don't know...but there is pressure.”

The article also has a bit of a disclaimer in it. “It does not promise pain-free childbirth.” Really? Even if you learn the vocabulary really, really well? That's disappointing. It seemed like such a promising development.

The article went on to say that the birthing method has gained popularity because of its usage by celebrities. Well, that explains a lot. I wouldn't say that there are not intelligent celebrities, but assuming intelligence based on fame is another aspect of people that baffles me. If there is one thing I don't want celebrity advice on, it's everything I do. No matter what I call it.